Post by Addison M. Shepherd on Aug 14, 2008 21:03:01 GMT -6
GREY'S ANATOMY
1X09 - WHO'S ZOOMIN' WHO?
ORIGINAL AIRDATE (ABC): 22-MAY-2005
WRITTEN BY GABRIELLE STANTON & HARRY WERKSMAN
DIRECTED BY WENDY STANTZLER
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DISCLAIMER:
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The following is not a novelization or an actual script but a dry transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, settings descriptions, action scenes and/or camera movements where the transcriber felt they were necessary. This transcript is archived on "TWIZ TV.COM - FREE TV SCRIPTS DATABASE" courtesy of BRANDEE. "GREY'S ANATOMY" and other related entities are owned, (TM) and © by THE MARK GORDON COMPANY in association with TOUCHSTONE TELEVISION. This transcript is posted here without their permission, approval, authorization or endorsement. Any reproduction, duplication, distribution or display of this material in any form or by any means is expressly prohibited. It is absolutely forbidden to use it for commercial gain. For entertainment and educational purposes only. No infringement intended.
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TRANSCRIPT:
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(George is in the bathroom alone, his clothes are all over the floor)
MVO: Secrets can't hide in science. Medicine has a way of exposing the lies. Within the walls of the hospital, the truth is stripped bare.
(George is reading "Rashes, Hives and Skin Eruptions")
MVO: How we keep our secrets outside the hospital...Well, that's a little different.
(Izzie tries to enter the bathroom but the door is locked)
Izzie: George. You locked the door. I need to take a shower.
George: Uh, uh, I'll be out in a minute.
Izzie: What are you doing in there?
George: It's private.
Izzie: Oh. Oh, God. I'm sorry. I get it. I didn't mean to interrupt.
George: No, it's not that!
Izzie: It's ok. Take your time.
George: I am not doing what you think I'm doing.
Izzie: You know what, there's really no need to explain. I'll wait. You just...finish.
George: No, I'm...I'm coming. I'm coming out.
MVO: One thing is certain. Whatever it is we're trying to hide, we're never ready for that moment when the truth gets naked.
(Derek is asleep and there is a phone ringing, Meredith answers it)
Woman: Dr. Grey, this is Ms. Henry from the nursing home. I'm calling about your mother.
Meredith: Is she all right?
Ms. Henry: Oh, it's nothing like that.
Meredith: Can I call you later, then?
Ms. Henry: Uh, I just wanted to...
Meredith: I have to go.
(Hangs up phone)
Derek: Oh, my God. Who is calling you at this hour?
Meredith: It's a wrong number.
(George exits the bathroom to find Izzie outside the door grinning)
Izzie: There's no reason to be ashamed. It's normal. Healthy, even.
George: Well I'm not ashamed cause I wasn't doing anything. I don't have to. I have a girlfriend.
Izzie: An imaginary girlfriend?
George: An actual girlfriend.
Izzie: You know what? It's no big deal. You don't have to lie. I get it. You have needs.
(Meredith opens her bedroom door that Izzie had been leaning on)
Meredith: What is going on out here?
George: Nothing.
Izzie: (Starts to say something, looks at George and changes her mind) Nothing.
George: Nothing.
Izzie: He's freaked out cause I caught him playing with little Jimmy and the twins.
George: I have a girlfriend.
Izzie: Ok.
(George walks down the hallway and slams the door to his room)
Derek: This sounds like fun out here.
(Derek's phone rings, he looks at it but doesn't answer)
Meredith: Aren't you gonna get that? It might be the hospital.
Derek: It's not. Breakfast?
MVO: That's the problem with secrets. Like misery, they love company.
(Cristina in the hall of SGH on the phone)
Cristina: No, look, I told you people I'm not coming for a counseling session. I know all my options. Yeah, uh, well I made my decision, and I made my appointment. I'll be there on the 16 th.
MVO: They pile up and up until they take over everything.
(Burke walks up)
Burke: I paged you last night.
Cristina: Oh, I wasn't on call.
Burke: That's not why I paged you. You could give me your home number.
Cristina: Um, Burke...Uh, I gotta go.
MVO: Until you don't have room for anything else.
(Chief Webber walks by rubbing his temple and trying to read the chart with obvious difficulty.)
MVO: Until you're so full of secrets, you feel like you're going to burst.
(George and Olivia are talking at a desk)
Olivia: I had a really good time the other night.
George: Yeah, me too. Are you, uh, feeling ok and everything?
Olivia: I'm good. Great, now that I got to see you. Why?
George: Oh, no reason. I'm good too, you know? Really good. You know. But, um, a little itchy.
(Izzie walks up)
Izzie: Hi, George.
George: Hey.
Izzie: Olivia.
Olivia: Hi, Dr. Stevens. I'll see you later.
George: Ok. Bye. Yeah. She's into me.
Izzie: Way to go, George. She's cute. So this morning you really weren't...
George: Anytime you want to apologize...
Izzie: Then what were you doing in the bathroom for so long?
George: I have to go.
(George enters the locker room where Alex is trimming his nose hairs in the mirror. He checks around to see if anyone else is in there)
George: Um...
Alex: I know I'm pretty to look at and all, George, but back up.
George: I need to ask you something.
Alex: I'm waiting.
George: I seem to be having this skin thing going on, like a rash, really. And I think I know what it is, but I can't get close enough to tell for sure.
Alex: Let's see it.
George: It's kinda located in an, um, you know, private...
Alex: You're a doctor, George. It's called a penis. You have a rash on your penis?
George: I think I can describe it. Um, it's k...red.
Alex: Look, just come on. Just show me your junk so we can get this over with.
(George looks around again and then slowly unties and opens his scrubs. Alex looks and makes a grimacing face.)
George: So?
Alex: Dude, you've got syphilis.
(Alex leaves and George checks out his rash in the mirror.)
(Patients room, there is a man on a gurney and a very pregnant woman standing at his side)
Alex: Patient presented with abdominal pain and blood in his urine. Once his workup come back unrevealing, the urologist suggested a cystoscopy.
Burke: Reason?
George: To get a look inside the bladder.
Man: I appreciate you doing this, Preston. I know this is a little out of your field.
Burke: That's not a problem. It gives my interns something to do.
Man: I have a feeling you keep them plenty busy. We were in the same frat at Tulane. It's gone from torturing pledges to torturing interns. Am I right?
Burke: Be very careful how you two answer that.
Man: I could tell some stories.
Burke: Bill, you have a camera snaking up your mojo. It's not the time to cross me.
Woman: It isn't anything too serious?
Burke: That's what this procedure will tell us. You don't worry about anything but growing my godson in there.
Woman: He kicks like you wouldn't believe.
Burke: A badass, just like his father. Move a little to the right. Your other right. There.
Bill: What do you see? What is it?
Burke: Could be any number of things. O'Malley, take a biopsy of the mass. Dr. Karev, schedule a CT. Let's not worry until we have to.
(Derek is in the gallery watching Chief Webber perform surgery)
Richard: There's too much damage. We'll have to remove most of the colon instead of a local resection.
(He tries to stitch the colon up and can't seem to do it.)
Richard: You gotta push it up.
(He tries and misses again)
Richard: More suture. And what's with these damn lights in here.
(Meredith readjusts the lights)
(Cristina and Izzie examining Mr. Franklin. He has a very large stomach.)
Cristina: Mr. Franklin, how long has your abdomen been like this?
Mr. Franklin: It's been getting bigger for a while.
Mrs. Franklin: I told him there was something wrong. No one gets fat like this so fast. I told him.
Daughter: Everybody told him.
Izzie: He has dullness to percussion and spider angiomas.
Daughter: What's all that mean?
Cristina: It means, we have to admit you father and run some tests.
Daughter: Great! What's that gonna cost us this time?
Mrs. Franklin: Alice, don't.
(George walks up the lab pickup window)
George: Hi, uh, results for George O'Malley?
Tech: I don't see it here. What's the patient's name?
George: O'Malley, George. Look, it's just a simple blood test.
Tech: Here you go.
George: Thank you.
(Izzie enters and drops something off at the lab)
Izzie: Franklin, Jordan, I need this back ASAP.
Tech: What a shocker.
Izzie: (To George) Hey, what did you get, something good? (Grabs George's results) Syphilis? That's not surgical. Who has syphilis?
(George pulls Izzie into the nurse's station)
George: (To nurse leaving) Excuse us, sorry.
Izzie: You have syphilis?
George: Shh!
(George closes all the blinds and the door)
George: I don't know how this happened.
Izzie: Of course you do. God, Olivia must really be getting around.
George: Olivia, she's not like that.
Izzie: It's a new millennium, George. The only people who aren't like that are the Amish and, apparently, you.
George: You don't know. Maybe I've been sleeping around. Maybe I got ladies. Shut up. What am I gonna do?
Izzie: It's no biggie, couple doses of Penicillin will knock it out.
George: What am I gonna do about Olivia?
Izzie: Well, for starters, stop sleeping with her, unless you want that thing to fall off.
George: Ok, that is twice that you have trash-talked the girl that I could one day potentially...well, not love but like a whole lot.
Izzie: If she gave it to you, you have to tell her.
George: Three.
Izzie: Fine. She didn't give it to you. She was a virgin when you met. You still have to tell her so she can get tested.
George: Oh, yeah? How am I gonna tell her? "Uh, hey, Olivia. How you doing? By the way, I got the syph. How about you?"
Izzie: Maybe not quite like that.
George: No, it's good advice, really good advice. Thank you very much.
(George leaves, Izzie is still smiling)
(Chief Webber's surgery)
Richard: Retract here.
Bailey: Oh! This just isn't holding.
Richard: Give me a bigger retractor, please.
(Nurse hands him a retractor which he drops)
Nurse: Sorry, doctor.
Richard: It wasn't you. Dr. Bailey, you can finish this.
Bailey: Uh, thank you, chief. I appreciate the opportunity. I'll just...
(Richard leaves. Meredith looks up to Derek in the gallery.)
(Bill is getting his CT and George and Alex are in the scanning room)
Alex: I gotta say, George, I didn't think you had it in you. It's always the quiet ones. So whos the woman?
George: None of your business.
Alex: Oh, come on. Who gave you the cooties on the playground?
George: You must have had something like this before, right?
Alex: I never talk about my penis with other men.
(Tech looks at George)
George: I don't n... either, normally.
(Results show up from the CT scan)
George: We better get Burke.
(Izzie and Cristina enter Mr. and Mrs. Franklin's room)
Cristina: Mr. Franklin? You have a condition known as ascites.
Mrs. Franklin: Oh, my God. I knew it was terrible.
Izzie: It just means there's fluid in the peritoneal cavity. The abdomen. And the swelling is pressing against you lungs which is why you're having trouble breathing.
Cristina: In your case, it looks like a symptom of liver disease.
Alice: And it all comes together.
Mrs. Franklin: Alice, not now.
Cristina: Is there something we should know?
Mr. Franklin: I drink a bit.
Alice: That's the understatement of the year.
Mr. Franklin: That's enough out of you.
Alice: Hey! I'm only here for Mom, to make sure you don't pull any of your usual crap.
(Burke is reviewing Bill's scan images)
Burke: There's definitely a growth, protruding into the bladder, but look at the edges. I don't think it's a tumor.
Alex: Kind of shaped like an ovary.
Burke: That the flip answer you're gonna give your patient, Dr. Karev? This is one of my oldest friends. You might want to take this seriously.
Alex: I'm sorry, sir.
Burke: You better be.
George: I got the rest of the labs back. They did a chromosome analysis of the tissue. You won't believe this.
(Burke looks at the lad results)
Burke: Bill has an ovary?
(Bill and Burke smile at each other through the glass)
(Cristina and Izzie are updating Bailey on Mr. Franklin)
Izzie: Um, according to his daughter, Mr. Franklin is a heavy drinker.
Cristina: Six to eight drinks a day, an alcoholic by any standard.
Bailey: Protocol?
Cristina: Schedule a paracentesis.
Bailey: Reason?
Izzie: Uh, draining the fluid will relieve the pressure from the lungs.
Bailey: Good, but don't schedule it. Do it.
Izzie: You want us to do the procedure?
Bailey: You've seen one, right?
Cristina: Absolutely.
Bailey: Well, now do one.
Izzie: I've never seen one.
Cristina: You're about to.
Izzie: Oh, my God.
(Alex and George walking in the stairwell)
George: God, an ovary.
Alex: It kinda gives new meaning to the term "metrosexual."
(Olivia enters the stairwell)
Olivia: Hi, George.
George: Olivia.
Alex: What am I, invisible?
Olivia: Alex.
George: You go ahead. I'll catch up with you later.
(Alex leaves and George and Olivia make out)
Olivia: About time I got you alone today.
(They make out again)
George: Olivia...
Olivia: What time is your shift done?
George: Olivia...
Olivia: Because mine's over at 8, and I thought maybe you could come over.
George: Olivia! I need to tell you something.
Olivia: What's wrong? Are you breaking up with me?
George: What? No. Oh, no. Really, no. It's just...Ok, you're the only person that I've been with in a long time. I mean, not unusually long or anything, you know? Just a normal amount of long time. But it wouldn't matter to me if you've been with someone else. Maybe you have? I'm not accusing you of anything or, you know, judging you or handing out scarlet letters or anything, you know? It's...you're a woman, you know? A very attractive woman. Of course you've been with other men. Not that you've been with a lot of men, it's not like you're a prostitute...
Olivia: A prostitute?
George: No! Not a...not a prostitute. What...? No, the opposite of a prostitute, a lady. You're very ladylike. I mean, you're very bendy, but...
Olivia: George, breathe.
George: Ok. It's just...ok, here's the thing. I really like you, Olivia. I like you a lot.
Olivia: Well, I like you too.
(They make out again, George pushes her away)
George: I have syphilis.
(Olivia looks at him and then without saying anything runs off)
George: That could have gone better.
(Chief Webber's office, there is a picture of him on a magazine and a plaque for best doctor in America. He is still rubbing his temple. Derek knocks, enters and closes the door.)
Derek: You dropped a retractor.
Richard: Fine. A few weeks ago, I was operating, and the vision in my right eye became blurry. After a few hours, it was fine. It's come back again.
Derek: Did you have it checked out?
Richard: The examination was normal. My ophthalmologist tells me I'm just getting older. But you know what a decline in my visual acuity can mean.
Derek: I'll set up some tests.
Richard: Shep, I know how the rumor mill runs around here. Let's just keep this to ourselves.
Derek: Absolutely. Yeah.
(George is walking through the outdoor picnic area with Alex)
George: Do you think she's talking about me?
Alex: She's absolutely talking about you. Dude, that's a good thing. (They walk past Olivia's table)
George: No, no it's not.
Alex: Georgie, get a clue. Syphilis is the best thing that ever happened to you. In their eyes, you're a player.
(They sit down at a table with Cristina and Izzie. Izzie is feeling Cristina's forehead)
Cristina: Hey, syph-boy.
George: You told her?
Izzie: Just Cristina.
Alex: "Syph-boy." It's got a nice ring to it, it's kinda like Superboy, only diseased.
Cristina: Izzie didn't have to say a word. Around here, the only thing that spreads faster than disease is gossip.
George: That's not true. Just cause Izzie can't keep her mouth shut doesn't mean everyone knows.
(Meredith enters)
Meredith: Hey, George. How are you feeling? Sorry about the syphilis.
George: Everyone in this hospital knows?
Alex: Knows you're a player.
George: You're disturbed.
Alex: True. Everybody's got a secret. Just be glad yours is out in the open.
Cristina: Oh, yeah, Alex? What's yours?
Alex: You show me yours, and I'll show you mine.
(Cristina looks at Burke as he walks by)
Alex: I bet you've got some seriously kinky skeletons in your closet.
Cristina: What's in my closet is none of your business.
Izzie: Well, I don't have any secrets. My life is boring.
Meredith: Everybody's got something to hide.
(Everyone stares at Meredith)
(Burke enters Bill's room)
Burke: Well, the mass we found is not a tumor.
Bill: Well, that's good, right? Anything's got to be better than cancer.
Burke: Well, that's where it gets a little tricky. The chromosomal tests have revealed that your body contains DNA from two different embryos that merged in the womb at the very beginning of development. In rare cases such as yours, the condition can preduce gonadal hermaphroditism.
Bill: I'm hearing scary words here, Preston, you know, pay-cable kind of words.
Burke: In English, the mass in your bladder is an ovary.
Bill: Huh?
Burke: Don't worry. We're gonna remove it. We have an excellent gynecological surgeon on staff.
Bill: You're telling me I'm a guy with an ovary?
Burke: It's simply a quirk of nature, man.
Bill: What am I gonna tell Holly?
Burke: That you're gonna be fine.
Bill: I'm still a man, right?
Burke: A man's man, a Kappa man.
Bill: I mean...you know, my sex life.
Burke: You been having any problems?
Bill: (Laughing) Was it my very pregnant wife that gave it away?
(They both laugh)
Burke: Come on, man, don't worry. You never knew it was there. You won't miss it when it's gone.
(Alex is giving George shots of penicillin)
George: Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Alex: It's a shot of penicillin, George. Be grateful I'm even doing this. I've already seen more of you than I ever wanted to. I'll be fighting nightmares for a week.
George: Ok, you know what? Forget this.
Alex: Do you want to get rid of the syph or not? Just shut up and drop 'em.
(George pulls down his pants and bends over the gurney)
George: I cannot believe this.
(Meredith enters)
George: Meredith, go away!
Meredith: Oh, George. Thought you could use some moral support.
George: NO! No, moral support. I'm indisposed here.
Meredith: George, it's not a big deal. And you have a cute butt.
Alex: I have a cute butt too. You want to see?
Meredith: Oh, get out. You're doing it wrong.
Alex: Be my guest.
George: What...? Alex. Alex. Wha...?
(Alex leaves and Izzie enters)
George: Hey!
Izzie: What are we doing here?
George: Breaking George's spirit.
Meredith: Curing George's syph.
George: I don't like needles.
Meredith: Good thing you became a doctor. Other side.
(Cristina yells from the hallway)
Cristina: Izzie?
Izzie: Yeah?
Cristina: Uh, Mr. Franklin's procedure's been scheduled for after lunch...
(Cristina enters)
Cristina: Oh, what are we doing?
Izzie: We are saving George from a future of festering sores and insanity.
Cristina: Oh, cute butt.
Meredith: Told ya.
Izzie: It is cute, like a baby's.
George: You know, I have spent hours, days, years, imagining myself half-naked in a room with three women. The reality is so much better.
(George leaves)
Cristina: I think he's gonna cry.
(They all laugh)
(Meredith is on the phone with Ms. Henry from the nursing home)
Ms. Henry: Hi. It's Ms. Henry again. Is this a better time?
Meredith: Sorry about this morning. I wasn't alone and...what were you calling about?
Ms. Henry: I just wanted to remind you that tonight's our monthly family dinner. You know, you haven't been to any of our family functions.
Meredith: You have to understand. I'm a surgical intern, so my time isn't my own.
Ms. Henry: Our residents really respond to these events. They always enjoy themselves which is so rare. I think it's important you attend.
Meredith: I'll be there. I'll try to be there. I'll definitely try.
(Derek and Richard walking through the hall)
Derek: I've cleared some time for your MRI.
Richard: Good. Let's get going.
Derek: Ok.
(Derek leaves as Patricia walks up)
Patricia: Uh, sorry to bother you with this, chief. We've got kind of a situation.
Richard: What now?
(Richard is standing in front of a room full of doctors and interns with Patricia seated near him)
Richard: Three interns, four residents and six nurses on this surgical floor have been diagnosed with...syphilis.
(The room makes oohing noises)
Patricia: There are over 70,000 new cases every year.
(Olivia looks at George across the room)
Patricia: Undiagnosed, syphilis can lead to blindness, insanity and death.
Richard: If you are having unprotected sex with another member of the staff, get tested.
(Burke looks at Cristina across the room)
Richard: This is not a request.
(Everyone laughs)
Richard: Patricia will now give you a safe-sex demonstration.
(Laughing continues)
(Patricia stands up holding a condom and a banana)
Patricia: When the time is right, and, gentlemen, you'll all know when that time is, carefully open the condom packet and roll it onto the banana.
(Derek enters)
Derek: (Whispering to Richard) We should try and get down to do the MRI now.
Richard: This isn't really a good time.
Derek: If you want to do this without anybody else knowing, you should do it now.
Patricia: Open communication is essential to a healthy relationship. In a responsible relationship...
Meredith: (Whispering to Cristina) Poor George.
Cristina: Yeah. You know, I think he really likes Typhoid Mary.
Meredith: Well, not many budding relationships survive a good dose of VD.
Cristina: Yeah.
Patricia: When the banana is finished...
Meredith: Yeah.
Patricia:...gently peel off the condom and dispose of it properly. With every fresh banana, always use a fresh condom.
(The line to the blood lab is VERY long, Cristina is at the end of it. The elevator nearby dings open and a lab tech gets out. Burke is in the elevator not planning on exiting until he sees Cristina and then he hurries out of the elevator. He gets in the blood lab line.)
Burke: You're avoiding me.
Cristina: I'm busy, at work. I-I'm working.
Burke: Why are you in this line?
Cristina: It's the syphilis line.
Burke: You don't need to be in this line.
Cristina: I don't?
Burke: There's no one else. (Cristina looks at him surprised) That surprises you?
Cristina: Nothing surprises me.
Burke: Do I need to be in this line?
Cristina: No.
Burke: Ok, then.
Cristina: Ok.
(They both get out of the line and head in opposite directions)
(Izzie walks up)
Izzie: Hey.
Cristina: Oh, hey.
Izzie: Mr. Franklin is prepped and ready.
Cristina: Excellent.
Izzie: God, look at this line. Well, at least we don't have to stand in line. That's the one good thing about the fact neither of us is getting any, right?
Cristina: Yeah.
(They go to Mr. Franklin's room)
Cristina: Mr. Franklin, we've given you a local anesthetic, but you might feel some pressure.
Mr. Franklin: Ok. I'm ready.
Cristina: Grab the skin.
Izzie: Ok.
Cristina: I'm in the peritoneal cavity.
Izzie: That fluid is bloody. Is it supposed to be bloody?
Mr. Franklin: You've done this before, right?
Cristina: Of course. Millions of times.
Izzie: You're doing great, Mr. Franklin.
Cristina: Ok. Wait, wait. Ok, go. Good. Now all we have to do is wait.
(Derek and Richard are examining his MRI scans)
Derek: You see that right there?
Richard: Mm-hmm.
Derek: It's a tumor, and it's pressing against your optic nerve.
Richard: Is it operable?
Derek: Oh, definitely. It does have its risks.
Richard: You mean I could lose my sight? Just what I need, a syphilis outbreak and a tumor.
Derek: Well, it's probably unrelated.
Richard: All right, Derek, lets see how good you really are.
Derek: All right. I'll put a team together.
Richard: All my people only. And I still want this kept under wraps. The vultures will be circling soon enough.
Derek: Aren't I one of the vultures?
Richard: Why do you think I want to keep an eye on you? Get going. We're doing this tonight.
Derek: Right.
(Meredith enters just as Richard is leaving)
Meredith: You paged?
Derek: Yeah, I need you to help me out on something for the chief. Can you keep a secret?
Meredith: Better than you think.
(Cristina and Izzie in Mr. Franklin's room)
Cristina: How much fluid can one body hold?
Izzie: Shh! There's a lot of fluid in there, Mr. Franklin, but were almost finished. Mr. Franklin, are you sleeping? (She shakes him) Mr. Franklin? (She checks his pulse) He has no pulse.
Cristina: What?
Izzie: He has no pulse!
(Cristina hits the code button will Izzie starts CPR, the code team runs in a moment later)
(Cristina and Izzie leaving the room)
Cristina: How could he die just like that with no warning?
Izzie: There was blood in the tube when it first went in. What if it's our fault? What if we did something wrong?
Cristina: We didn't do anything wrong. We did a textbook procedure.
(They walk up to a desk where Bailey is standing)
Bailey: I checked you chart. You did everything by the book.
Izzie: He died on our watch. We must have missed something.
Bailey: You couldn't have known. There was no history of heart problems. His death wasn't your fault.
Cristina: When's the autopsy?
Bailey: There isn't gonna be an autopsy.
Cristina: What? How are we supposed to know the cause of death?
Bailey: It's going down as cardiopulmonary arrest complicated by liver disease.
Izzie: But an autopsy would...
Bailey: The family decided they didn't want an autopsy.
Cristina: But, Dr. Bailey...
Bailey: They don't want an autopsy. Let it go.
(Derek runs up to Bailey and Meredith in the hall)
Derek: How goes out special super secret silent sunset surgery? I've been practicing that.
Bailey: You have too much time on your hands. Uh, tell the chief I'll be there. Just let me know when and where. I'm in.
Meredith: Ok. (Bailey leaves) are you nervous?
Derek: It's a complicated surgery. I make one mistake, I end a fellow surgeon's career, my mentor's career. Oh, no, I'm not nervous.
Meredith: So just for the record...
Derek: Mm-hmm.
Meredith: ...you'd tell me if I need to get tested, right?
Derek: You think I have syphilis?
Meredith: No, I don't. It's just...we never made any rules or anything. I mean, we never said, "We have rules," and I wouldn't hold it against you. Derek: When would I have time to go out and get syphilis? You're a handful enough as it is, and besides, we're like, practically a condom ad.
Meredith: But no more glow-in-the-dark ones.
Derek: You see? There's nothing to worry about. Maybe we should, you know make some rules, I mean.
Meredith: We should.
Derek: Ok.
Meredith: Ok.
Derek: Just for the record...
Meredith: Uh-huh?
Derek: I like the glow-in-the-dark ones.
Meredith: I bet you do.
(Meredith leaves and Derek's phone rings, he doesn't answer it but looks concerned)
(Bill's surgery)
Dr. Knox: That's the last of the ovarian material. I just need to sew up the perforation on the bladder wall. (Looks at Burke) Uh... (Shakes her head)
Burke: Is there a problem, Dr. Knox?
Dr. Knox: Well, you said this man's wife is pregnant?
Burke: Due in five weeks. Why?
Dr. Knox: Our patient has a blind vas deferens.
Burke: Bill is sterile?
Dr. Knox: And always has been.
George: Then who got his wife pregnant?
(Everyone just looks at each other)
George: Oh!
Alex: Sucks to be Bill right now.
(Alex, George and Burke are walking through the hallway)
George: How's Burke gonna tell him the baby's not his?
Alex: Burke's not gonna tell him.
George: He has to, their friends.
Alex: Bill's better off not knowing.
George: Do you think Holly knows Bill's not the father?
Alex: Maybe, maybe not.
George: I think Bill should know his wife's cheating on him. I'd wanna know.
Burke: I don't remember asking for your opinions, so keep them to yourselves.
George: Sorry, sir. (To Alex) You're such as gossip.
(Izzie and Cristina are in the waiting room with Alice and Mrs. Franklin)
Izzie: We know how confusing this must be, your husband dying so suddenly. But an autopsy will tell us why.
Mrs. Franklin: So you think we should do the autopsy?
Alice: No, we just wasn't this to be over.
Cristina: But, don't you want to know for certain what killed him?
Alice: My father was a mean drunk who couldn't hold a job. That's what killed him.
Izzie: I understand that you're angry. But knowing for sure might help give you some closure.
Mrs. Franklin: It was awfully sudden, Alice.
Alice: Sudden? He's been killing himself for years.
Mrs. Franklin: He was a good man. Maybe...maybe they're right. Maybe we should do the autopsy.
Alice: Mom, stop it. He's dead. It's finally over.
Mrs. Franklin: Alice, your father would have wanted...
Alice: Who cares what he wanted? Can't we please just try and get out of this with whatever shred of dignity this family has left?
(Izzie, Cristina and Meredith are in the unused hallway sitting on a gurney)
Meredith: You guys want to perform an unauthorized autopsy?
Izzie: I know you, Cristina. You do not want to be known as the new 007. An autopsy clears your name.
Meredith: Cristina, no.
Izzie: What about Franklin's wife? You saw the way she was looking at me. She wants the autopsy. She just didn't want to fight with her daughter. She looked so sad. Ok, Cristina Yang, license to kill.
Cristina: Ok, I'm in.
Meredith: I am so not involved in this.
Cristina: Meredith, this is Fight Club. Nobody talks about it.
Meredith: Fine.
Cristina: We have to do it when Bailey's not around.
Izzie: Bailey's always around. She's everywhere and knows everything.
Cristina: Well, we have to take our chances.
Meredith: Bailey's got something tonight from 7 to 11. You two will be the last thing she's worried about.
Cristina: How do you know that?
Izzie: What kind of something?
Meredith: Oh, I can't tell you that. It's Fight Club too.
(Meredith runs off)
Cristina: If I'm missing out on a real patient because of this, they're gonna call me 007 because I've killed you.
(Derek enters the OR, the door has signs that read Do Not Enter-Closed For Maintenance. Richard is inside prepping for his surgery.)
Derek: How we doing?
Richard: Did you lock up the gallery?
Derek: Don't worry. We're flying under the radar. What did you put out there, the Midas Rex?
Bailey: We've got it, chief.
Richard: How much cancomycin is there?
Bailey: One gram, as ordered, sir.
Richard: You're not gonna be too liberal with those benzos, are ya?
Derek: You know, doctors make the worst patients. You should just breathe in the happy gas. Stop running my OR. I got you covered.
(Cristina and Izzie have Mr. Franklin's body and are getting ready to start the autopsy)
Izzie: We stole a body. We're body snatchers. What if somebody from the morgue comes looking for Franklin?
Cristina: Well, A, it's in the middle of the night, and, B, the thing about being dead is people stop looking for you.
Izzie: Ok. (Clears her throat and prepares to start)
Cristina: When's the last time you did an autopsy?
Izzie: I took gross anatomy just like you. I'm just trying to remember.
Cristina: You know hold on. Hold on. Wait. Hold on.
(She starts digging around for something and produces a text book)
Izzie: You brought a textbook?
Cristina: Uh, if we're gonna do this we're gonna do it right.
Izzie: Ok.
Cristina: Ok, got it.
Izzie: You sure?
Cristina: It's not like we can kill him twice.
Izzie: Let me cut.
Cristina: You'll get your turn.
Izzie: You should really be using the ten-blade.
Cristina: Will you stop backseat cutting? Go get the saw.
(Derek is just finishing up Richard's surgery)
Derek: Ok, I've sutured the drain in place. The staples look fine. All right, we're done here. Dr. Bailey, you want to wrap him?
Bailey: I got it.
Derek: Nice work, everybody. Nicely done.
Bailey: Thanks.
Derek: Good.
Meredith: Do you think the optic nerve is damaged?
Bailey: If it is, when he wakes up, he'll...
Meredith: He'll be blind? For how long?
Bailey: Forever. Page Stevens and Yang. Tell them I want them covering your patients. I need you to stay and monitor the chief.
Meredith: Cristina and Izzie, um...I think they're already swamped.
Bailey: With what?
Meredith: Labs. They had to check on some labs.
Bailey: Oh, you are lying. I know you're lying. You know how I know? Cause you're a bad liar! I hate a bad liar. (To surgeon) Take over for me. I know exactly where they are. Here. Take over for me.
(Burke is talking to Holly outside of Bill's room)
Burke: Your whole relationship is a lie.
Holly: We're happy. We've wanted a child for a long time. Why do you want to take this away from him?
Burke: Does he know you've been cheating on him?
Holly: Preston, this is between Bill and me.
Burke: Then man has a right to know that this isn't his child.
Holly: Please, just let this go. Why can't you let this go?
Burke: Because Bill is my best friend. That's why.
Holly: If you were really his friend, you wouldn't do this.
Burke: Holly, please! Tell him the truth!
Holly: Why? I'm not gonna ruin my life, because you think this is wrong.
Burke: Your life? What about his life? What about this child's life?
Holly: What Bill doesn't know won't hurt him.
Burke: Fine. Maybe his friend wouldn't tell him the truth. But I'm also his doctor, and his doctor is not going to lie to him.
(Meredith is in the hall outside of Richard's room on the phone.)
Meredith: I know but something came up, an important surgery and I couldn't.
Ms. Henry: I'm just sorry you couldn't be there for your mother.
Meredith: Ms. Henry, if my mother were lucid, she would understand. She's a surgeon. She's done this countless times. And besides that, she doesn't even know who I am, anyway, so...
Ms. Henry: Today she did.
Meredith: What?
Ms. Henry: Your mother's been asking when her daughter Meredith gets off from work.
(Derek walks up)
Derek: Hey.
Meredith: Hey. (Hanging up the phone) A lot of secret phone calls today. (After a long pause) Yeah, it's my mother. She isn't traveling. She isn't writing a book. She isn't anything. I've been lying to everyone.
Derek: Why?
Meredith: She has Alzheimer's.
Derek: How advanced?
Meredith: Very. She's in a home and I'm the only one who even knows she's sick. I just don't know what to do anymore, you know?
(He kisses her forehead and smoothes her hair. Richard wakes up and this is the first thing he sees)
(Cristina and Izzie are performing the autopsy when Bailey enters)
Bailey: Don't even tell me you're doing what I think you're doing!
Cristina: Um...
Bailey: Not only did you disregard the family's wishes, you broke the law! You could be arrested for assault! Do you like jail? The hospital could be sued! I could lose my license, my job! I like my job! Did you think about any of this before you started cutting open a poor man's body? I could seriously kick both of your asses right now. Do you have anything to say?
(Izzie picks up Mr. Franklin's heart from the scales)
Izzie: Look at his heart.
Bailey: It's huge!
Izzie: It's over 600 grams, and there's some kind of grainy material in it.
Cristina: We want to run some tests.
Bailey: Oh, now you want to run tests?
Cristina: At this point, what could it hurt?
Bailey: I hate both of you right now.
(Meredith enters Richard's room to check on him)
Richard: Meredith? He's an attending. You're an intern.
Meredith: You saw us? You can see.
Richard: I'm gonna tell you what your mother would say if she were here. You're making a mistake, a big one.
Meredith: And I would tell my mother it's not a mistake.
(Izzie, Cristina and Bailey are in a conference room with Alice and Mrs. Franklin)
Alice: We specifically said no autopsy.
Bailey: I understand why you're upset.
Alice: You understand? We're gonna get an attorney. Come on, Mom.
Cristina: We know what killed him. He had a blood condition known as hemachromatosis. The disease causes an excess amount of iron to build up in the body, and that's what caused the heart failure, not the paracentesis.
Alice: But I thought he was always so sick cause of the drinking.
Mrs. Franklin: And you never let him forget it. Or me.
Alice: Mom...
Izzie: There's something else. The disease is genetic.
Mrs. Franklin: You think Alice could have it too?
Izzie: A simple blood test will tell us. If you have it, we'll have caught it early enough to treat it before the condition becomes critical.
Bailey: Dr. Stevens and Dr. Yang may have saved your life. If you could just sign this consent form for the autopsy. Just a formality.
MVO: The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free.
(George is looking in on Burke talking to Bill)
MVO: Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open, like it or not.
(Olivia enters the locker room where George is sitting)
George: Um, about before...
Olivia: George, I want you to understand, when we started dating, I was already kind of seeing someone. I didn't know how much I'd like you, and when I realized, I broke it off with the other guy...
George: Other guy? Who's the other guy?
(Olivia looks up and George turns around to see Alex standing there)
George: You and Alex? You and Alex?! (Screaming at Alex as he attacks him) You gave me syphilis?!
Olivia, Izzie, Cristina, and Meredith: George! George! George! George, back off!
(They pull George off of Alex)
Meredith: Alex!
Cristina: George!
Izzie: Back off, Alex.
(Meredith enters the lobby where Derek is waiting for her)
MVO: And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore.
Derek: Long day.
Meredith: Yeah.
Derek: Somewhere out this is a steak with your name on it and maybe a bottle of wine.
Meredith: This is why I keep you around.
Derek: So we need to talk.
Meredith: Wine first, talk later.
Derek: You trying to, uh, get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?
Meredith: I think I like this rules thing.
Derek: Me too.
(Derek helps her fix her coat and they turn to leave. A stunning red headed woman is standing there and Derek is wide eyed)
Derek: (Turning to Meredith) Meredith, I am so sorry.
MVO: The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control...
(The woman walks over)
Derek: Addison.
MVO: ...you're not.
Derek: What are you doing here?
Addison: Well, you'd know if you'd bothered to return any one of my phone calls.
Addison: (To Meredith) Hi. I'm Addison Shepherd.
(They shake hands)
Meredith: Shepherd?
Addison: (Pointing at Meredith) And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband.
(Meredith looks at Addison and then at Derek)
[END OF EPISODE]
1X09 - WHO'S ZOOMIN' WHO?
ORIGINAL AIRDATE (ABC): 22-MAY-2005
WRITTEN BY GABRIELLE STANTON & HARRY WERKSMAN
DIRECTED BY WENDY STANTZLER
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DISCLAIMER:
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The following is not a novelization or an actual script but a dry transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, settings descriptions, action scenes and/or camera movements where the transcriber felt they were necessary. This transcript is archived on "TWIZ TV.COM - FREE TV SCRIPTS DATABASE" courtesy of BRANDEE. "GREY'S ANATOMY" and other related entities are owned, (TM) and © by THE MARK GORDON COMPANY in association with TOUCHSTONE TELEVISION. This transcript is posted here without their permission, approval, authorization or endorsement. Any reproduction, duplication, distribution or display of this material in any form or by any means is expressly prohibited. It is absolutely forbidden to use it for commercial gain. For entertainment and educational purposes only. No infringement intended.
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TRANSCRIPT:
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(George is in the bathroom alone, his clothes are all over the floor)
MVO: Secrets can't hide in science. Medicine has a way of exposing the lies. Within the walls of the hospital, the truth is stripped bare.
(George is reading "Rashes, Hives and Skin Eruptions")
MVO: How we keep our secrets outside the hospital...Well, that's a little different.
(Izzie tries to enter the bathroom but the door is locked)
Izzie: George. You locked the door. I need to take a shower.
George: Uh, uh, I'll be out in a minute.
Izzie: What are you doing in there?
George: It's private.
Izzie: Oh. Oh, God. I'm sorry. I get it. I didn't mean to interrupt.
George: No, it's not that!
Izzie: It's ok. Take your time.
George: I am not doing what you think I'm doing.
Izzie: You know what, there's really no need to explain. I'll wait. You just...finish.
George: No, I'm...I'm coming. I'm coming out.
MVO: One thing is certain. Whatever it is we're trying to hide, we're never ready for that moment when the truth gets naked.
(Derek is asleep and there is a phone ringing, Meredith answers it)
Woman: Dr. Grey, this is Ms. Henry from the nursing home. I'm calling about your mother.
Meredith: Is she all right?
Ms. Henry: Oh, it's nothing like that.
Meredith: Can I call you later, then?
Ms. Henry: Uh, I just wanted to...
Meredith: I have to go.
(Hangs up phone)
Derek: Oh, my God. Who is calling you at this hour?
Meredith: It's a wrong number.
(George exits the bathroom to find Izzie outside the door grinning)
Izzie: There's no reason to be ashamed. It's normal. Healthy, even.
George: Well I'm not ashamed cause I wasn't doing anything. I don't have to. I have a girlfriend.
Izzie: An imaginary girlfriend?
George: An actual girlfriend.
Izzie: You know what? It's no big deal. You don't have to lie. I get it. You have needs.
(Meredith opens her bedroom door that Izzie had been leaning on)
Meredith: What is going on out here?
George: Nothing.
Izzie: (Starts to say something, looks at George and changes her mind) Nothing.
George: Nothing.
Izzie: He's freaked out cause I caught him playing with little Jimmy and the twins.
George: I have a girlfriend.
Izzie: Ok.
(George walks down the hallway and slams the door to his room)
Derek: This sounds like fun out here.
(Derek's phone rings, he looks at it but doesn't answer)
Meredith: Aren't you gonna get that? It might be the hospital.
Derek: It's not. Breakfast?
MVO: That's the problem with secrets. Like misery, they love company.
(Cristina in the hall of SGH on the phone)
Cristina: No, look, I told you people I'm not coming for a counseling session. I know all my options. Yeah, uh, well I made my decision, and I made my appointment. I'll be there on the 16 th.
MVO: They pile up and up until they take over everything.
(Burke walks up)
Burke: I paged you last night.
Cristina: Oh, I wasn't on call.
Burke: That's not why I paged you. You could give me your home number.
Cristina: Um, Burke...Uh, I gotta go.
MVO: Until you don't have room for anything else.
(Chief Webber walks by rubbing his temple and trying to read the chart with obvious difficulty.)
MVO: Until you're so full of secrets, you feel like you're going to burst.
(George and Olivia are talking at a desk)
Olivia: I had a really good time the other night.
George: Yeah, me too. Are you, uh, feeling ok and everything?
Olivia: I'm good. Great, now that I got to see you. Why?
George: Oh, no reason. I'm good too, you know? Really good. You know. But, um, a little itchy.
(Izzie walks up)
Izzie: Hi, George.
George: Hey.
Izzie: Olivia.
Olivia: Hi, Dr. Stevens. I'll see you later.
George: Ok. Bye. Yeah. She's into me.
Izzie: Way to go, George. She's cute. So this morning you really weren't...
George: Anytime you want to apologize...
Izzie: Then what were you doing in the bathroom for so long?
George: I have to go.
(George enters the locker room where Alex is trimming his nose hairs in the mirror. He checks around to see if anyone else is in there)
George: Um...
Alex: I know I'm pretty to look at and all, George, but back up.
George: I need to ask you something.
Alex: I'm waiting.
George: I seem to be having this skin thing going on, like a rash, really. And I think I know what it is, but I can't get close enough to tell for sure.
Alex: Let's see it.
George: It's kinda located in an, um, you know, private...
Alex: You're a doctor, George. It's called a penis. You have a rash on your penis?
George: I think I can describe it. Um, it's k...red.
Alex: Look, just come on. Just show me your junk so we can get this over with.
(George looks around again and then slowly unties and opens his scrubs. Alex looks and makes a grimacing face.)
George: So?
Alex: Dude, you've got syphilis.
(Alex leaves and George checks out his rash in the mirror.)
(Patients room, there is a man on a gurney and a very pregnant woman standing at his side)
Alex: Patient presented with abdominal pain and blood in his urine. Once his workup come back unrevealing, the urologist suggested a cystoscopy.
Burke: Reason?
George: To get a look inside the bladder.
Man: I appreciate you doing this, Preston. I know this is a little out of your field.
Burke: That's not a problem. It gives my interns something to do.
Man: I have a feeling you keep them plenty busy. We were in the same frat at Tulane. It's gone from torturing pledges to torturing interns. Am I right?
Burke: Be very careful how you two answer that.
Man: I could tell some stories.
Burke: Bill, you have a camera snaking up your mojo. It's not the time to cross me.
Woman: It isn't anything too serious?
Burke: That's what this procedure will tell us. You don't worry about anything but growing my godson in there.
Woman: He kicks like you wouldn't believe.
Burke: A badass, just like his father. Move a little to the right. Your other right. There.
Bill: What do you see? What is it?
Burke: Could be any number of things. O'Malley, take a biopsy of the mass. Dr. Karev, schedule a CT. Let's not worry until we have to.
(Derek is in the gallery watching Chief Webber perform surgery)
Richard: There's too much damage. We'll have to remove most of the colon instead of a local resection.
(He tries to stitch the colon up and can't seem to do it.)
Richard: You gotta push it up.
(He tries and misses again)
Richard: More suture. And what's with these damn lights in here.
(Meredith readjusts the lights)
(Cristina and Izzie examining Mr. Franklin. He has a very large stomach.)
Cristina: Mr. Franklin, how long has your abdomen been like this?
Mr. Franklin: It's been getting bigger for a while.
Mrs. Franklin: I told him there was something wrong. No one gets fat like this so fast. I told him.
Daughter: Everybody told him.
Izzie: He has dullness to percussion and spider angiomas.
Daughter: What's all that mean?
Cristina: It means, we have to admit you father and run some tests.
Daughter: Great! What's that gonna cost us this time?
Mrs. Franklin: Alice, don't.
(George walks up the lab pickup window)
George: Hi, uh, results for George O'Malley?
Tech: I don't see it here. What's the patient's name?
George: O'Malley, George. Look, it's just a simple blood test.
Tech: Here you go.
George: Thank you.
(Izzie enters and drops something off at the lab)
Izzie: Franklin, Jordan, I need this back ASAP.
Tech: What a shocker.
Izzie: (To George) Hey, what did you get, something good? (Grabs George's results) Syphilis? That's not surgical. Who has syphilis?
(George pulls Izzie into the nurse's station)
George: (To nurse leaving) Excuse us, sorry.
Izzie: You have syphilis?
George: Shh!
(George closes all the blinds and the door)
George: I don't know how this happened.
Izzie: Of course you do. God, Olivia must really be getting around.
George: Olivia, she's not like that.
Izzie: It's a new millennium, George. The only people who aren't like that are the Amish and, apparently, you.
George: You don't know. Maybe I've been sleeping around. Maybe I got ladies. Shut up. What am I gonna do?
Izzie: It's no biggie, couple doses of Penicillin will knock it out.
George: What am I gonna do about Olivia?
Izzie: Well, for starters, stop sleeping with her, unless you want that thing to fall off.
George: Ok, that is twice that you have trash-talked the girl that I could one day potentially...well, not love but like a whole lot.
Izzie: If she gave it to you, you have to tell her.
George: Three.
Izzie: Fine. She didn't give it to you. She was a virgin when you met. You still have to tell her so she can get tested.
George: Oh, yeah? How am I gonna tell her? "Uh, hey, Olivia. How you doing? By the way, I got the syph. How about you?"
Izzie: Maybe not quite like that.
George: No, it's good advice, really good advice. Thank you very much.
(George leaves, Izzie is still smiling)
(Chief Webber's surgery)
Richard: Retract here.
Bailey: Oh! This just isn't holding.
Richard: Give me a bigger retractor, please.
(Nurse hands him a retractor which he drops)
Nurse: Sorry, doctor.
Richard: It wasn't you. Dr. Bailey, you can finish this.
Bailey: Uh, thank you, chief. I appreciate the opportunity. I'll just...
(Richard leaves. Meredith looks up to Derek in the gallery.)
(Bill is getting his CT and George and Alex are in the scanning room)
Alex: I gotta say, George, I didn't think you had it in you. It's always the quiet ones. So whos the woman?
George: None of your business.
Alex: Oh, come on. Who gave you the cooties on the playground?
George: You must have had something like this before, right?
Alex: I never talk about my penis with other men.
(Tech looks at George)
George: I don't n... either, normally.
(Results show up from the CT scan)
George: We better get Burke.
(Izzie and Cristina enter Mr. and Mrs. Franklin's room)
Cristina: Mr. Franklin? You have a condition known as ascites.
Mrs. Franklin: Oh, my God. I knew it was terrible.
Izzie: It just means there's fluid in the peritoneal cavity. The abdomen. And the swelling is pressing against you lungs which is why you're having trouble breathing.
Cristina: In your case, it looks like a symptom of liver disease.
Alice: And it all comes together.
Mrs. Franklin: Alice, not now.
Cristina: Is there something we should know?
Mr. Franklin: I drink a bit.
Alice: That's the understatement of the year.
Mr. Franklin: That's enough out of you.
Alice: Hey! I'm only here for Mom, to make sure you don't pull any of your usual crap.
(Burke is reviewing Bill's scan images)
Burke: There's definitely a growth, protruding into the bladder, but look at the edges. I don't think it's a tumor.
Alex: Kind of shaped like an ovary.
Burke: That the flip answer you're gonna give your patient, Dr. Karev? This is one of my oldest friends. You might want to take this seriously.
Alex: I'm sorry, sir.
Burke: You better be.
George: I got the rest of the labs back. They did a chromosome analysis of the tissue. You won't believe this.
(Burke looks at the lad results)
Burke: Bill has an ovary?
(Bill and Burke smile at each other through the glass)
(Cristina and Izzie are updating Bailey on Mr. Franklin)
Izzie: Um, according to his daughter, Mr. Franklin is a heavy drinker.
Cristina: Six to eight drinks a day, an alcoholic by any standard.
Bailey: Protocol?
Cristina: Schedule a paracentesis.
Bailey: Reason?
Izzie: Uh, draining the fluid will relieve the pressure from the lungs.
Bailey: Good, but don't schedule it. Do it.
Izzie: You want us to do the procedure?
Bailey: You've seen one, right?
Cristina: Absolutely.
Bailey: Well, now do one.
Izzie: I've never seen one.
Cristina: You're about to.
Izzie: Oh, my God.
(Alex and George walking in the stairwell)
George: God, an ovary.
Alex: It kinda gives new meaning to the term "metrosexual."
(Olivia enters the stairwell)
Olivia: Hi, George.
George: Olivia.
Alex: What am I, invisible?
Olivia: Alex.
George: You go ahead. I'll catch up with you later.
(Alex leaves and George and Olivia make out)
Olivia: About time I got you alone today.
(They make out again)
George: Olivia...
Olivia: What time is your shift done?
George: Olivia...
Olivia: Because mine's over at 8, and I thought maybe you could come over.
George: Olivia! I need to tell you something.
Olivia: What's wrong? Are you breaking up with me?
George: What? No. Oh, no. Really, no. It's just...Ok, you're the only person that I've been with in a long time. I mean, not unusually long or anything, you know? Just a normal amount of long time. But it wouldn't matter to me if you've been with someone else. Maybe you have? I'm not accusing you of anything or, you know, judging you or handing out scarlet letters or anything, you know? It's...you're a woman, you know? A very attractive woman. Of course you've been with other men. Not that you've been with a lot of men, it's not like you're a prostitute...
Olivia: A prostitute?
George: No! Not a...not a prostitute. What...? No, the opposite of a prostitute, a lady. You're very ladylike. I mean, you're very bendy, but...
Olivia: George, breathe.
George: Ok. It's just...ok, here's the thing. I really like you, Olivia. I like you a lot.
Olivia: Well, I like you too.
(They make out again, George pushes her away)
George: I have syphilis.
(Olivia looks at him and then without saying anything runs off)
George: That could have gone better.
(Chief Webber's office, there is a picture of him on a magazine and a plaque for best doctor in America. He is still rubbing his temple. Derek knocks, enters and closes the door.)
Derek: You dropped a retractor.
Richard: Fine. A few weeks ago, I was operating, and the vision in my right eye became blurry. After a few hours, it was fine. It's come back again.
Derek: Did you have it checked out?
Richard: The examination was normal. My ophthalmologist tells me I'm just getting older. But you know what a decline in my visual acuity can mean.
Derek: I'll set up some tests.
Richard: Shep, I know how the rumor mill runs around here. Let's just keep this to ourselves.
Derek: Absolutely. Yeah.
(George is walking through the outdoor picnic area with Alex)
George: Do you think she's talking about me?
Alex: She's absolutely talking about you. Dude, that's a good thing. (They walk past Olivia's table)
George: No, no it's not.
Alex: Georgie, get a clue. Syphilis is the best thing that ever happened to you. In their eyes, you're a player.
(They sit down at a table with Cristina and Izzie. Izzie is feeling Cristina's forehead)
Cristina: Hey, syph-boy.
George: You told her?
Izzie: Just Cristina.
Alex: "Syph-boy." It's got a nice ring to it, it's kinda like Superboy, only diseased.
Cristina: Izzie didn't have to say a word. Around here, the only thing that spreads faster than disease is gossip.
George: That's not true. Just cause Izzie can't keep her mouth shut doesn't mean everyone knows.
(Meredith enters)
Meredith: Hey, George. How are you feeling? Sorry about the syphilis.
George: Everyone in this hospital knows?
Alex: Knows you're a player.
George: You're disturbed.
Alex: True. Everybody's got a secret. Just be glad yours is out in the open.
Cristina: Oh, yeah, Alex? What's yours?
Alex: You show me yours, and I'll show you mine.
(Cristina looks at Burke as he walks by)
Alex: I bet you've got some seriously kinky skeletons in your closet.
Cristina: What's in my closet is none of your business.
Izzie: Well, I don't have any secrets. My life is boring.
Meredith: Everybody's got something to hide.
(Everyone stares at Meredith)
(Burke enters Bill's room)
Burke: Well, the mass we found is not a tumor.
Bill: Well, that's good, right? Anything's got to be better than cancer.
Burke: Well, that's where it gets a little tricky. The chromosomal tests have revealed that your body contains DNA from two different embryos that merged in the womb at the very beginning of development. In rare cases such as yours, the condition can preduce gonadal hermaphroditism.
Bill: I'm hearing scary words here, Preston, you know, pay-cable kind of words.
Burke: In English, the mass in your bladder is an ovary.
Bill: Huh?
Burke: Don't worry. We're gonna remove it. We have an excellent gynecological surgeon on staff.
Bill: You're telling me I'm a guy with an ovary?
Burke: It's simply a quirk of nature, man.
Bill: What am I gonna tell Holly?
Burke: That you're gonna be fine.
Bill: I'm still a man, right?
Burke: A man's man, a Kappa man.
Bill: I mean...you know, my sex life.
Burke: You been having any problems?
Bill: (Laughing) Was it my very pregnant wife that gave it away?
(They both laugh)
Burke: Come on, man, don't worry. You never knew it was there. You won't miss it when it's gone.
(Alex is giving George shots of penicillin)
George: Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Alex: It's a shot of penicillin, George. Be grateful I'm even doing this. I've already seen more of you than I ever wanted to. I'll be fighting nightmares for a week.
George: Ok, you know what? Forget this.
Alex: Do you want to get rid of the syph or not? Just shut up and drop 'em.
(George pulls down his pants and bends over the gurney)
George: I cannot believe this.
(Meredith enters)
George: Meredith, go away!
Meredith: Oh, George. Thought you could use some moral support.
George: NO! No, moral support. I'm indisposed here.
Meredith: George, it's not a big deal. And you have a cute butt.
Alex: I have a cute butt too. You want to see?
Meredith: Oh, get out. You're doing it wrong.
Alex: Be my guest.
George: What...? Alex. Alex. Wha...?
(Alex leaves and Izzie enters)
George: Hey!
Izzie: What are we doing here?
George: Breaking George's spirit.
Meredith: Curing George's syph.
George: I don't like needles.
Meredith: Good thing you became a doctor. Other side.
(Cristina yells from the hallway)
Cristina: Izzie?
Izzie: Yeah?
Cristina: Uh, Mr. Franklin's procedure's been scheduled for after lunch...
(Cristina enters)
Cristina: Oh, what are we doing?
Izzie: We are saving George from a future of festering sores and insanity.
Cristina: Oh, cute butt.
Meredith: Told ya.
Izzie: It is cute, like a baby's.
George: You know, I have spent hours, days, years, imagining myself half-naked in a room with three women. The reality is so much better.
(George leaves)
Cristina: I think he's gonna cry.
(They all laugh)
(Meredith is on the phone with Ms. Henry from the nursing home)
Ms. Henry: Hi. It's Ms. Henry again. Is this a better time?
Meredith: Sorry about this morning. I wasn't alone and...what were you calling about?
Ms. Henry: I just wanted to remind you that tonight's our monthly family dinner. You know, you haven't been to any of our family functions.
Meredith: You have to understand. I'm a surgical intern, so my time isn't my own.
Ms. Henry: Our residents really respond to these events. They always enjoy themselves which is so rare. I think it's important you attend.
Meredith: I'll be there. I'll try to be there. I'll definitely try.
(Derek and Richard walking through the hall)
Derek: I've cleared some time for your MRI.
Richard: Good. Let's get going.
Derek: Ok.
(Derek leaves as Patricia walks up)
Patricia: Uh, sorry to bother you with this, chief. We've got kind of a situation.
Richard: What now?
(Richard is standing in front of a room full of doctors and interns with Patricia seated near him)
Richard: Three interns, four residents and six nurses on this surgical floor have been diagnosed with...syphilis.
(The room makes oohing noises)
Patricia: There are over 70,000 new cases every year.
(Olivia looks at George across the room)
Patricia: Undiagnosed, syphilis can lead to blindness, insanity and death.
Richard: If you are having unprotected sex with another member of the staff, get tested.
(Burke looks at Cristina across the room)
Richard: This is not a request.
(Everyone laughs)
Richard: Patricia will now give you a safe-sex demonstration.
(Laughing continues)
(Patricia stands up holding a condom and a banana)
Patricia: When the time is right, and, gentlemen, you'll all know when that time is, carefully open the condom packet and roll it onto the banana.
(Derek enters)
Derek: (Whispering to Richard) We should try and get down to do the MRI now.
Richard: This isn't really a good time.
Derek: If you want to do this without anybody else knowing, you should do it now.
Patricia: Open communication is essential to a healthy relationship. In a responsible relationship...
Meredith: (Whispering to Cristina) Poor George.
Cristina: Yeah. You know, I think he really likes Typhoid Mary.
Meredith: Well, not many budding relationships survive a good dose of VD.
Cristina: Yeah.
Patricia: When the banana is finished...
Meredith: Yeah.
Patricia:...gently peel off the condom and dispose of it properly. With every fresh banana, always use a fresh condom.
(The line to the blood lab is VERY long, Cristina is at the end of it. The elevator nearby dings open and a lab tech gets out. Burke is in the elevator not planning on exiting until he sees Cristina and then he hurries out of the elevator. He gets in the blood lab line.)
Burke: You're avoiding me.
Cristina: I'm busy, at work. I-I'm working.
Burke: Why are you in this line?
Cristina: It's the syphilis line.
Burke: You don't need to be in this line.
Cristina: I don't?
Burke: There's no one else. (Cristina looks at him surprised) That surprises you?
Cristina: Nothing surprises me.
Burke: Do I need to be in this line?
Cristina: No.
Burke: Ok, then.
Cristina: Ok.
(They both get out of the line and head in opposite directions)
(Izzie walks up)
Izzie: Hey.
Cristina: Oh, hey.
Izzie: Mr. Franklin is prepped and ready.
Cristina: Excellent.
Izzie: God, look at this line. Well, at least we don't have to stand in line. That's the one good thing about the fact neither of us is getting any, right?
Cristina: Yeah.
(They go to Mr. Franklin's room)
Cristina: Mr. Franklin, we've given you a local anesthetic, but you might feel some pressure.
Mr. Franklin: Ok. I'm ready.
Cristina: Grab the skin.
Izzie: Ok.
Cristina: I'm in the peritoneal cavity.
Izzie: That fluid is bloody. Is it supposed to be bloody?
Mr. Franklin: You've done this before, right?
Cristina: Of course. Millions of times.
Izzie: You're doing great, Mr. Franklin.
Cristina: Ok. Wait, wait. Ok, go. Good. Now all we have to do is wait.
(Derek and Richard are examining his MRI scans)
Derek: You see that right there?
Richard: Mm-hmm.
Derek: It's a tumor, and it's pressing against your optic nerve.
Richard: Is it operable?
Derek: Oh, definitely. It does have its risks.
Richard: You mean I could lose my sight? Just what I need, a syphilis outbreak and a tumor.
Derek: Well, it's probably unrelated.
Richard: All right, Derek, lets see how good you really are.
Derek: All right. I'll put a team together.
Richard: All my people only. And I still want this kept under wraps. The vultures will be circling soon enough.
Derek: Aren't I one of the vultures?
Richard: Why do you think I want to keep an eye on you? Get going. We're doing this tonight.
Derek: Right.
(Meredith enters just as Richard is leaving)
Meredith: You paged?
Derek: Yeah, I need you to help me out on something for the chief. Can you keep a secret?
Meredith: Better than you think.
(Cristina and Izzie in Mr. Franklin's room)
Cristina: How much fluid can one body hold?
Izzie: Shh! There's a lot of fluid in there, Mr. Franklin, but were almost finished. Mr. Franklin, are you sleeping? (She shakes him) Mr. Franklin? (She checks his pulse) He has no pulse.
Cristina: What?
Izzie: He has no pulse!
(Cristina hits the code button will Izzie starts CPR, the code team runs in a moment later)
(Cristina and Izzie leaving the room)
Cristina: How could he die just like that with no warning?
Izzie: There was blood in the tube when it first went in. What if it's our fault? What if we did something wrong?
Cristina: We didn't do anything wrong. We did a textbook procedure.
(They walk up to a desk where Bailey is standing)
Bailey: I checked you chart. You did everything by the book.
Izzie: He died on our watch. We must have missed something.
Bailey: You couldn't have known. There was no history of heart problems. His death wasn't your fault.
Cristina: When's the autopsy?
Bailey: There isn't gonna be an autopsy.
Cristina: What? How are we supposed to know the cause of death?
Bailey: It's going down as cardiopulmonary arrest complicated by liver disease.
Izzie: But an autopsy would...
Bailey: The family decided they didn't want an autopsy.
Cristina: But, Dr. Bailey...
Bailey: They don't want an autopsy. Let it go.
(Derek runs up to Bailey and Meredith in the hall)
Derek: How goes out special super secret silent sunset surgery? I've been practicing that.
Bailey: You have too much time on your hands. Uh, tell the chief I'll be there. Just let me know when and where. I'm in.
Meredith: Ok. (Bailey leaves) are you nervous?
Derek: It's a complicated surgery. I make one mistake, I end a fellow surgeon's career, my mentor's career. Oh, no, I'm not nervous.
Meredith: So just for the record...
Derek: Mm-hmm.
Meredith: ...you'd tell me if I need to get tested, right?
Derek: You think I have syphilis?
Meredith: No, I don't. It's just...we never made any rules or anything. I mean, we never said, "We have rules," and I wouldn't hold it against you. Derek: When would I have time to go out and get syphilis? You're a handful enough as it is, and besides, we're like, practically a condom ad.
Meredith: But no more glow-in-the-dark ones.
Derek: You see? There's nothing to worry about. Maybe we should, you know make some rules, I mean.
Meredith: We should.
Derek: Ok.
Meredith: Ok.
Derek: Just for the record...
Meredith: Uh-huh?
Derek: I like the glow-in-the-dark ones.
Meredith: I bet you do.
(Meredith leaves and Derek's phone rings, he doesn't answer it but looks concerned)
(Bill's surgery)
Dr. Knox: That's the last of the ovarian material. I just need to sew up the perforation on the bladder wall. (Looks at Burke) Uh... (Shakes her head)
Burke: Is there a problem, Dr. Knox?
Dr. Knox: Well, you said this man's wife is pregnant?
Burke: Due in five weeks. Why?
Dr. Knox: Our patient has a blind vas deferens.
Burke: Bill is sterile?
Dr. Knox: And always has been.
George: Then who got his wife pregnant?
(Everyone just looks at each other)
George: Oh!
Alex: Sucks to be Bill right now.
(Alex, George and Burke are walking through the hallway)
George: How's Burke gonna tell him the baby's not his?
Alex: Burke's not gonna tell him.
George: He has to, their friends.
Alex: Bill's better off not knowing.
George: Do you think Holly knows Bill's not the father?
Alex: Maybe, maybe not.
George: I think Bill should know his wife's cheating on him. I'd wanna know.
Burke: I don't remember asking for your opinions, so keep them to yourselves.
George: Sorry, sir. (To Alex) You're such as gossip.
(Izzie and Cristina are in the waiting room with Alice and Mrs. Franklin)
Izzie: We know how confusing this must be, your husband dying so suddenly. But an autopsy will tell us why.
Mrs. Franklin: So you think we should do the autopsy?
Alice: No, we just wasn't this to be over.
Cristina: But, don't you want to know for certain what killed him?
Alice: My father was a mean drunk who couldn't hold a job. That's what killed him.
Izzie: I understand that you're angry. But knowing for sure might help give you some closure.
Mrs. Franklin: It was awfully sudden, Alice.
Alice: Sudden? He's been killing himself for years.
Mrs. Franklin: He was a good man. Maybe...maybe they're right. Maybe we should do the autopsy.
Alice: Mom, stop it. He's dead. It's finally over.
Mrs. Franklin: Alice, your father would have wanted...
Alice: Who cares what he wanted? Can't we please just try and get out of this with whatever shred of dignity this family has left?
(Izzie, Cristina and Meredith are in the unused hallway sitting on a gurney)
Meredith: You guys want to perform an unauthorized autopsy?
Izzie: I know you, Cristina. You do not want to be known as the new 007. An autopsy clears your name.
Meredith: Cristina, no.
Izzie: What about Franklin's wife? You saw the way she was looking at me. She wants the autopsy. She just didn't want to fight with her daughter. She looked so sad. Ok, Cristina Yang, license to kill.
Cristina: Ok, I'm in.
Meredith: I am so not involved in this.
Cristina: Meredith, this is Fight Club. Nobody talks about it.
Meredith: Fine.
Cristina: We have to do it when Bailey's not around.
Izzie: Bailey's always around. She's everywhere and knows everything.
Cristina: Well, we have to take our chances.
Meredith: Bailey's got something tonight from 7 to 11. You two will be the last thing she's worried about.
Cristina: How do you know that?
Izzie: What kind of something?
Meredith: Oh, I can't tell you that. It's Fight Club too.
(Meredith runs off)
Cristina: If I'm missing out on a real patient because of this, they're gonna call me 007 because I've killed you.
(Derek enters the OR, the door has signs that read Do Not Enter-Closed For Maintenance. Richard is inside prepping for his surgery.)
Derek: How we doing?
Richard: Did you lock up the gallery?
Derek: Don't worry. We're flying under the radar. What did you put out there, the Midas Rex?
Bailey: We've got it, chief.
Richard: How much cancomycin is there?
Bailey: One gram, as ordered, sir.
Richard: You're not gonna be too liberal with those benzos, are ya?
Derek: You know, doctors make the worst patients. You should just breathe in the happy gas. Stop running my OR. I got you covered.
(Cristina and Izzie have Mr. Franklin's body and are getting ready to start the autopsy)
Izzie: We stole a body. We're body snatchers. What if somebody from the morgue comes looking for Franklin?
Cristina: Well, A, it's in the middle of the night, and, B, the thing about being dead is people stop looking for you.
Izzie: Ok. (Clears her throat and prepares to start)
Cristina: When's the last time you did an autopsy?
Izzie: I took gross anatomy just like you. I'm just trying to remember.
Cristina: You know hold on. Hold on. Wait. Hold on.
(She starts digging around for something and produces a text book)
Izzie: You brought a textbook?
Cristina: Uh, if we're gonna do this we're gonna do it right.
Izzie: Ok.
Cristina: Ok, got it.
Izzie: You sure?
Cristina: It's not like we can kill him twice.
Izzie: Let me cut.
Cristina: You'll get your turn.
Izzie: You should really be using the ten-blade.
Cristina: Will you stop backseat cutting? Go get the saw.
(Derek is just finishing up Richard's surgery)
Derek: Ok, I've sutured the drain in place. The staples look fine. All right, we're done here. Dr. Bailey, you want to wrap him?
Bailey: I got it.
Derek: Nice work, everybody. Nicely done.
Bailey: Thanks.
Derek: Good.
Meredith: Do you think the optic nerve is damaged?
Bailey: If it is, when he wakes up, he'll...
Meredith: He'll be blind? For how long?
Bailey: Forever. Page Stevens and Yang. Tell them I want them covering your patients. I need you to stay and monitor the chief.
Meredith: Cristina and Izzie, um...I think they're already swamped.
Bailey: With what?
Meredith: Labs. They had to check on some labs.
Bailey: Oh, you are lying. I know you're lying. You know how I know? Cause you're a bad liar! I hate a bad liar. (To surgeon) Take over for me. I know exactly where they are. Here. Take over for me.
(Burke is talking to Holly outside of Bill's room)
Burke: Your whole relationship is a lie.
Holly: We're happy. We've wanted a child for a long time. Why do you want to take this away from him?
Burke: Does he know you've been cheating on him?
Holly: Preston, this is between Bill and me.
Burke: Then man has a right to know that this isn't his child.
Holly: Please, just let this go. Why can't you let this go?
Burke: Because Bill is my best friend. That's why.
Holly: If you were really his friend, you wouldn't do this.
Burke: Holly, please! Tell him the truth!
Holly: Why? I'm not gonna ruin my life, because you think this is wrong.
Burke: Your life? What about his life? What about this child's life?
Holly: What Bill doesn't know won't hurt him.
Burke: Fine. Maybe his friend wouldn't tell him the truth. But I'm also his doctor, and his doctor is not going to lie to him.
(Meredith is in the hall outside of Richard's room on the phone.)
Meredith: I know but something came up, an important surgery and I couldn't.
Ms. Henry: I'm just sorry you couldn't be there for your mother.
Meredith: Ms. Henry, if my mother were lucid, she would understand. She's a surgeon. She's done this countless times. And besides that, she doesn't even know who I am, anyway, so...
Ms. Henry: Today she did.
Meredith: What?
Ms. Henry: Your mother's been asking when her daughter Meredith gets off from work.
(Derek walks up)
Derek: Hey.
Meredith: Hey. (Hanging up the phone) A lot of secret phone calls today. (After a long pause) Yeah, it's my mother. She isn't traveling. She isn't writing a book. She isn't anything. I've been lying to everyone.
Derek: Why?
Meredith: She has Alzheimer's.
Derek: How advanced?
Meredith: Very. She's in a home and I'm the only one who even knows she's sick. I just don't know what to do anymore, you know?
(He kisses her forehead and smoothes her hair. Richard wakes up and this is the first thing he sees)
(Cristina and Izzie are performing the autopsy when Bailey enters)
Bailey: Don't even tell me you're doing what I think you're doing!
Cristina: Um...
Bailey: Not only did you disregard the family's wishes, you broke the law! You could be arrested for assault! Do you like jail? The hospital could be sued! I could lose my license, my job! I like my job! Did you think about any of this before you started cutting open a poor man's body? I could seriously kick both of your asses right now. Do you have anything to say?
(Izzie picks up Mr. Franklin's heart from the scales)
Izzie: Look at his heart.
Bailey: It's huge!
Izzie: It's over 600 grams, and there's some kind of grainy material in it.
Cristina: We want to run some tests.
Bailey: Oh, now you want to run tests?
Cristina: At this point, what could it hurt?
Bailey: I hate both of you right now.
(Meredith enters Richard's room to check on him)
Richard: Meredith? He's an attending. You're an intern.
Meredith: You saw us? You can see.
Richard: I'm gonna tell you what your mother would say if she were here. You're making a mistake, a big one.
Meredith: And I would tell my mother it's not a mistake.
(Izzie, Cristina and Bailey are in a conference room with Alice and Mrs. Franklin)
Alice: We specifically said no autopsy.
Bailey: I understand why you're upset.
Alice: You understand? We're gonna get an attorney. Come on, Mom.
Cristina: We know what killed him. He had a blood condition known as hemachromatosis. The disease causes an excess amount of iron to build up in the body, and that's what caused the heart failure, not the paracentesis.
Alice: But I thought he was always so sick cause of the drinking.
Mrs. Franklin: And you never let him forget it. Or me.
Alice: Mom...
Izzie: There's something else. The disease is genetic.
Mrs. Franklin: You think Alice could have it too?
Izzie: A simple blood test will tell us. If you have it, we'll have caught it early enough to treat it before the condition becomes critical.
Bailey: Dr. Stevens and Dr. Yang may have saved your life. If you could just sign this consent form for the autopsy. Just a formality.
MVO: The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free.
(George is looking in on Burke talking to Bill)
MVO: Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open, like it or not.
(Olivia enters the locker room where George is sitting)
George: Um, about before...
Olivia: George, I want you to understand, when we started dating, I was already kind of seeing someone. I didn't know how much I'd like you, and when I realized, I broke it off with the other guy...
George: Other guy? Who's the other guy?
(Olivia looks up and George turns around to see Alex standing there)
George: You and Alex? You and Alex?! (Screaming at Alex as he attacks him) You gave me syphilis?!
Olivia, Izzie, Cristina, and Meredith: George! George! George! George, back off!
(They pull George off of Alex)
Meredith: Alex!
Cristina: George!
Izzie: Back off, Alex.
(Meredith enters the lobby where Derek is waiting for her)
MVO: And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore.
Derek: Long day.
Meredith: Yeah.
Derek: Somewhere out this is a steak with your name on it and maybe a bottle of wine.
Meredith: This is why I keep you around.
Derek: So we need to talk.
Meredith: Wine first, talk later.
Derek: You trying to, uh, get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?
Meredith: I think I like this rules thing.
Derek: Me too.
(Derek helps her fix her coat and they turn to leave. A stunning red headed woman is standing there and Derek is wide eyed)
Derek: (Turning to Meredith) Meredith, I am so sorry.
MVO: The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control...
(The woman walks over)
Derek: Addison.
MVO: ...you're not.
Derek: What are you doing here?
Addison: Well, you'd know if you'd bothered to return any one of my phone calls.
Addison: (To Meredith) Hi. I'm Addison Shepherd.
(They shake hands)
Meredith: Shepherd?
Addison: (Pointing at Meredith) And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband.
(Meredith looks at Addison and then at Derek)
[END OF EPISODE]